Walking In The Light ( Part 1 )

When you hear the word pathology, it makes you cringe. As a nurse who can think and rethink about every possible scenario connected with that word, the implications to my understanding are even more daunting. The word pathology itself comes from the Greek word "pathos" which literally means "suffering". So, when my daughter's ENT surgeon came to me post-op and gently informed me that her right tonsil was being sent to pathology because it had irregular anatomy, of course the word CANCER drowned out all other thoughts from my mind. I felt as though the wind were knocked out of me as I sat down. Even the vinyl hospital room chair let out a sigh. My breath was shallow as I texted the info to a few friends who could pray for us without being overwhelmed by thoughts of possibilities of the outcome. (As a chronic peace-keeper, I often have a hard time sharing news with someone if it will cause that person pain.) I, too, began to pray and to do what I have come to learn is the only response necessary in every situation - to listen for God's direction. I turned back to the chapters that had been in my YouVersion Bible reading plan for that day, and John 8:12 spoke into my heart;

"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, 

'I am the light of the world. 

If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, 

because you will have the light that leads to life."

The day before the tonsillectomy, I was anxious. While my mind trusted that my sweet girl was in God's care, my emotions were fighting with the recent experience of my husband's brain surgery. Emotional memories are haunting. They are deceptive and misleading, teasing as they beckon you to follow them down a path that goes nowhere near the reality of the immediate situation. This was not the first time that my past has tried to mess with my present. I knew that a good response was to acknowledge my escalating emotions to a couple of trusted friends, each whom wisely gave me direction to look to God for peace and to put away worry. I talked to God about my anxiety and fear as I looked back in my Bible where I had highlighted the words of Jesus earlier that day in John 7:24;

"Look beneath the surface so that you can judge correctly." 

I felt like God was confirming that this emotion was a response to past fears, to situations already conquered and moved beyond. I was soothed by gratefulness as I remembered all that God had carried our family through this year, and I was able to trust that God was still there with us in this situation as well.

So, as I sat in my daughter's hospital room waiting for her return from post-op, contemplating what the pathology results of her tissue study might reveal, peace came over me as I began to focus on the words of my Comforter; 

"If you follow me you won't have to walk in darkness,

 because you will have a light that leads to life." 

When the nurse wheeled my sleeping girl into the room, I gazed at her face and that sense of peace continued to flow over me.  It was not a sense of knowing that the report would come back with good news, but rather a sense that whatever the results, God was carrying her through this, and His plan for her could be nothing short of loving and perfect in His purpose for her life. It was a sense of knowing that walking in his light was the best life I could ever hope for her to live. In that moment, I once again released my anxiety and placed my treasured daughter in the arms of God.

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God's peace, 
which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

( to be continued in Part 2: http://ofwildernessandrockyplaces.blogspot.com/2014/08/walking-in-light-part-2.html...)