Relentless

I attended a summer youth camp as a nurse a few weeks ago.  A few times that week, I was able to get away from the health center in the evening to listen to the guest speaker. One night as he talked, the speaker hushed the large audience into silence and directed each of us to wait and listen for God to whisper a word into our heart. The word that came to my mind and echoed over and over again was "relentless". It wasn't a word that had been on my mind or in my conversation that week, but the feeling that came over me as I thought about it during that moment, was almost one of familiarity. Hearing the word in my head felt confirming… like when elderly folks empathetically discuss the difficult happenings in someone else's life, nodding their heads up and down in understanding that life is not easy, and that every person is faced with their own set of struggles and disappointments as they move through one day after another.

I quietly slipped through the side door to return to my nursing duties, and was not surprised to be quickly followed by my most “frequent flier”. I greeted him affectionately, and asked if he needed something, although I suspected I knew what it was.

“The bandage came off again,” he said sheepishly, hands in his pocket

“How do you know?” I asked, looking curiously at his feet which were enclosed in both socks and shoes, just as they had been forty minutes earlier. I myself, had carefully eased the sock over his right foot, then watched as he put on and then tied the shoes I had directed him to wear instead of the flip.-flops he had been wearing throughout that day.

“Well, I had to look at it!” he said in a worried voice, anxiety clouding his deep brown eyes. “I know that stick poked into my bone. It probably has a hole in it! It’s gonna rot my foot off!”

I sighed as I thought about the 4 or 5 times I had already rebandaged a small cut under his toe where a stick had lacerated the skin a couple of hours earlier.

“Buddy,” I said as I handed him two band-aids and sat in a chair, “I promise you, it’s just a small cut in your skin, there is not a hole in your bone, and your foot is not going to rot off… it’s really not!”

He looked at me miserably, and I thought of the note his mom had given me about his struggles with worry, as well as her suggestion that I try and distract him. “Distract him?”  I thought, “I have tried to over and over, all week long! It’s been one small thing after another… some real, some imagined… but, truly, this boy is impossible to be distracted! He is relentless!”

Relentless!

Suddenly, I knew what to do, because God had whispered that word in my ear. “Hey…” I said softly to my young friend. “I’m not going to bandage up your foot anymore. I gave you those two extra bandaids and you can put one of those on it yourself if you would like to. I know that we cleaned it and put ointment on it, and I know that even though it’s a bit sore, it’s gonna heal in a few days, and you’re gonna be just fine!”

“How do you know?” he mumbled, not looking up, shuffling his feet on the floor.

“Because I do,” I said. “God made that skin on your foot to protect your bones from that stick. He made that skin so that even when it gets hurt doing it’s job, it can heal itself by making new cells and becoming strong again. I trust God! I trust that when he made you, he did a great job, and that you are going to be just fine.”

I paused and waited, my eyes on the top of his head.

Finally, he raised his gaze towards me, and his eyes filled with tears. “But I can’t stop thinking about it!”

“Well…” I said, and thought for a moment. “How ‘bout this? Every time you think about it, Buddy - that’s an opportunity to remind yourself that God is relentless in His goodness and in His faithfulness. And even if you think about it a hundred times before you go to bed tonite, that’s a hundred chances you’ll have to thank God for His goodness and His faithfulness and to ask Him for healing.”

I sat back while he contemplated my words silently. As we heard the voices of more kids coming up the sidewalk, he stuffed the bandaids in his pocket. Giving me one last puppy dog look, he disappeared out the door.

After five days of providing around the clock nursing care for hundreds of teens, I went home from that camp drained and exhausted, but in the back of my mind still, was the word that God had given me just the few nights before.

Relentless.

It made me think of the sun shining in the desert, or the ocean waves pounding against a cliff… things that are powerful, naturally driven, connected with both life and destruction.

Relentless.

I turned the word over and over in my mind, and I looked it up in the dictionary:

Relentless. /rəˈlen(t)ləs/ adjective:

oppressively constant; incessant...

I looked it up in the thesaurus:

persistent, continuing, constant, continual, continuous, non-stop, never-ending, unabating, incessant, unceasing, endless, unremitting, unrelenting, unrelieved, unfaltering, unflagging, unwavering, dogged, tenacious, single-minded, tireless, indefatigable...

Indefatigable!!! I knew as I read that particular synonym that God was not using relentless to describe me, because anyone who knows me, knows that I am without a doubt fatigable!

However, this word relentless -  it did seem to describe how I often feel about my own life circumstances, and, more-so perhaps, about the circumstances present in the world around me.

My own family lives daily with the constancy of a chronic incurable disease in our midst. We arrange ourselves - our activities, our conversations, our noise level, our holidays, our relationships… our entire lives really, around the incessant presence of pain. Our need to consider it is never-ending, and our quest to tame it is unwavering. We seem to be in a continual pursuit of balance  - not wanting to bow down to pain by sacrificing our joy, yet not wanting to instigate pain with a disregard for its latent tendency to react strongly to exuberant living. This persistent dilemma of the unknowns about the future is relentless in its attempt to steal today from us.

There are innumerable atrocious circumstances in our present reality. Every day we hear about the horrors in our own country and across the world, of what one or more humans under the influence of unimaginable evil, will do to the most pure and innocent of all people. These situations persistently, continually, constantly, continuously, never-endingly, unabatingly, incessantly, unceasingly, endlessly, unremittingly, unrelievedly, unfalteringly, unflaggingly, unwaveringly, doggedly, tenaciously, single-mindedly, tirelessly, indefatigably never ever stop pursuing destruction. They are relentless!

I began to wonder why God would whisper this discouraging word to me, why he felt a need to plant it within me when I already struggle each day to not drown in heavy laden thoughts of the hopelessness of this world.

I thought again of the relentless sun, shining hotly on the desert plain, baking the ground a full thirty degrees hotter than the stifling air above it, until it cracks into a mass of chaotic grids. I thought of the powerful ocean waves pounding relentlessly against a cliff, undercutting it with sand and water and rock, over and over and over again, steadily destroying it into pieces that crash into the water below.

As I continued over the next weeks to on and off muse over the word, a revelation finally occured to me in the middle of my antagonistic thoughts about it. Relentless, the very word that exemplifies the arduous adversity in life - this word, this very same word, also illustrates everything that my God means to me.

God is relentless in the pursuit of my heart.

God is relentless in his desire for my devotion.

God is relentless in his faithfulness to never leave me on my own,

God is relentless in keeping every single one of the  promises He has made in His Word.

C.S. Lewis said, “The great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless…”

The Apostle Paul wrote, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38)

If the same word that describes the circumstances I am surrounded with, also describes my God, then I can only conclude that God is present with me in all of these circumstances.Though the world can be horrific and each day filled with difficulty and suffering, if I walk through the desert in the presence of God, He will be relentless in using what otherwise would steal and to destroy anything good in me, to instead give me life, and to give it to me abundantly. A relentless life is a blessing, not because I avoid the hard things or because I am blind to reality, but because I can walk through the midst of it all with God, and in His presence find peace instead of resentment, calmness instead of anger, patience instead of frustration, and love instead of hatred.

God created the sun to light up the world and nourish His living creation - the same sun that burns, brings life. He created the waves to carry life in the sea, to carry life to the shore - the same waves that crash, carry life.

I think that I finally understand the intention of God in placing that word in my mind one month ago. He was reminding me of who He is, of what He wants, and of His promises to me. He knows that in my humanness, I struggle more often than not, to appreciate and embrace - or at times, to even just tolerate the relentless life I live in. He gave me the gift of a word to remind me to have hope in His faithfulness and to wait for His joy.

The morning after that chapel service at youth camp, as I unlocked the door to the health center, my buddy was standing there waiting for me. I smiled and invited him in, wondering how he had fared through the night with his worry.

“Umm, can I have another bandaid?” he asked, a bit sheepishly.

I held one out to him silently, a questioning grin on my face, I’m sure.

“I know God is going to heal it,” he said confidently, then gave me a sideways look. “I know He is... even though I still think my bone is rotting… even though my foot might fall off.” His confidence waned. “Maybe I should go to the doctor when I get home?” he asked uncertainly.

With a sigh, I pulled out a chair and motioned him to sit down. “C’mon then buddy, take off your shoe and let’s have a look, and let’s go over this again…”

Relentless...

" I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

   the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.

I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—

   the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there’s one other thing I remember,

   and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,

   his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.

They’re created new every morning.

   How great your faithfulness!

I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).

   He’s all I’ve got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

   to the woman who diligently seeks.

It’s a good thing to quietly hope,

   quietly hope for help from God."

(Lamentations 3:19-26, The Message Bible)

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”   (Romans 8:28, KJV)

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full,”

(John 10:10 NIV)

“Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hope be crushed." 
(Psalm 119:116)

Breathe Peace

Here at our house, our family's Christmas tree is not yet decorated, even the strings of lights are lying in a jumble under the bare tree branches. No Christmas cookies have been baked so far, although there are crumbs on the counter from ones that Grandma brought a few days ago. Our house is not prepared inside for Christmas - but that's okay, because we are learning that the Advent season is more about preparing the inside of our hearts. This month, my family and I and our stubborn hearts, are being given many opportunities to learn patience for doing things as we can and for letting go, in peace, of what we can't. We are learning to appreciate time together, even when things are not going right,(which is much of the time... so obviously, we must need a lot of practice!)

Today, we were running late for church as usual - some of us too focused on being ready for the Children's Christmas Program to notice the minutes flying by, all of us not morning people and thinking more about our pillows than our clocks. After three attempts at hollering down the stairs, my tone carried enough urgency to motivate my drowsy troupe into waiting in the car. I returned to the bathroom mirror alone and awkwardly twisted my arm behind my back in an attempt to finish zipping my dress with a reach just shy of effective. Finally, I paused with frustration at my struggling reflection, looked into the mirror, and breathed deliberately. I reminded myself (as I often do) to quiet my heart and allow calm in, to open myself to peace. After all, the unchangeable truth is that God is still God, even if we're late for church! 

A short time later (feeling encouraged by my one last determined and successful effort to conquer the elusive dress zipper), I pulled our vehicle into the church parking lot. We surreptiously slipped in a side door of the building to avoid friendly greeters at the front who might absorb minutes of smiles and small-talk that we did not have available to invest at the moment. (But usually, we are glad to feel very welcomed by the greeters!) Releasing a sigh with my dwindling tension, I nudged my own kids and a few other stragglers to find their groups that would be lining up for their performance entry soon. Then I deftly navigated a path to a familiar seat as the church service unfolded. With a spirit of expectation, I settled in, all the while reflecting on the many past years of enjoying my kids' Christmas performances.

What I was thinking about in particular, as I waited, was how the holiday children's pageants at church are truly about the reality of what Christmas means. We moms and dads watch with wonder and bated breath, straining our necks to glimpse our kids celebrating the gift of the Baby Jesus. Older church attendees chuckle affectionately at the crooked halos, beam at our little ones' earnest efforts to sing out the joyful notes, lean forward as Mary and Joseph debate in nervous whispers whether it is time yet to hold up the well-loved doll representing the newborn King. Sometimes, a few tears are shed as a nervous child's heart longs for the comfort of her father's arms over the spotlight of overwhelming attention amid the crowd on the stage. Sometimes, the tears are those of the audience as each observer shares a common joy in the faith of a child displayed. All of the bits and pieces of the moments we observe are highly treasured and pondered on altars of love.


Christmas pageants remind us that as a baby, Jesus was born into an imperfect world. He was a precious gift given with unconditional love by our Father in heaven to us, His children on earth. He was the gift of a Savior from our Father God, who gazes affectionately at us as we fumble about, experiencing life and the organized chaos surrounding us... who smiles with pleasure whenever we choose to graciously bring our joy to Him and recognize the good things He daily blesses us with... whose heart aches with ours when we struggle with pain or shed tears over the exacting circumstances that happen in separation from Him... who fills us with peace over the miracle of it all, when we realize that all of this imperfection only makes the beauty of our story shine that much more brightly.

God fills us with peace over the miracle of it all, when we realize that all of this imperfection only makes the beauty of our story shine that much more brightly. 

Later on at home, my heart is soothed by the peace and the joy that God pours over me when I contemplate the gifts He has for me even just in these evening moments  - the sounds of my family teasing each other as we finally come together and hang the colorful, vintage sized Christmas lights on the tree... the happy reminiscing that occurs while old ornaments are mingled among a few new and distributed with affection among heavy laden tree branches...the quietness that comes upon me as I breathe in and breathe out again, watching those I love most in the world illustrate in their actions the same gladness that I feel playing on my own lips...  breathing in the peace that is present.

When the little ones are asleep, my thoughts return one more time to our church service that morning - to the compelling message that our knowledgeable senior pastor shared with us after the pageant. He expressed that the peace of Christmas which we experience today manifests as a peace within ourselves. We come by it when we invite God to place His peace within us, even when there is not peace around us. God's peace for today, is an inner rest, a freedom from anxiety, from worry and despair. This peace is a gift that is available from God for each of us, and all that we have to do to receive it is to trust in Him. I know that for myself, I find that the more difficult my life gets, the more I need to deliberately focus my trust on what God has promised me. Author A.W.Tozer wrote,  "To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love." I can understand Tozer's curious premise as I, too, have discovered that the more I focus on trusting God, the more peace I receive. The more peace I receive, the more I focus on trusting God. He has blessed me with the present of His presence in my present - with the gift of His peace in my life on this day.

Later still, as I lay in my own bed, I consider the additional gifts God has given to me lovingly wrapped within the walls of my church - the friendships, the lessons, the support, the joy, the security, the encouragement, the prayers... I think about how these gifts, as God has meant them,  are living and growing and powerful gifts, colored with the potential and the intention to spill out of the wrappings, beyond the church building, into my life and community, and even into the world!

I am praying that each one of you reading these words will open your heart to receive God's gift of peace during this Christmas season, and that you will continue to seek Him in all of life's seasons that follow. 

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
(Isaiah 26:3 NLT) 

May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord. 

(2 Peter 1:2) 

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 

(Isaiah 9:6 NLT) 

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” 
(John 16:33 NLT) 

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. 

(John 14:1 NLT) 

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

(Romans 15:13 NLT) 

And just as they were telling about it, Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he said. 

(Luke 24:36 NLT) 

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 

(Philippians 4:7 NLT) 

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts

(Colossians 3:15 NLT) 

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 

(Romans 8:6 NLT)

Walking In The Light ( Part 2 )

!ATTENTION!

PLEASE READ PART 1 OF THIS POST FIRST, IF YOU HAVE NOT DONE SO, THANKS! http://ofwildernessandrockyplaces.blogspot.com/2014/08/walking-in-light-part-1.html

“Then Job replied to the Lord, 

‘I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. 

You asked, Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance? 

It is I - and I was talking about things I knew nothing about…'”

Job 42:1-3

When my daughter’s ENT surgeon brought me the foreboding news that one of her tonsils had “irregular anatomy” and was being sent to pathology for further examination, I was able to move quickly from a sense of fear to a sense of peace. But I could only reconcile that peace to my own thoughts and my own determination. I had yet to share the news with my husband, and everything within my fallible human heart resisted against doing so.

To cause another person emotional pain is against my most basic nature. When I was younger, I was the girl whom often befriended the kid nobody else really liked. I was the girl who would rather be grounded for two weeks by my angry mom than to hear my dad say he was disappointed in me. I was the girl who would listen to a boy bore me to tears rather than get up and walk away from him and hurt his feelings. Now, as an adult, I tend to keep things to myself if I believe knowledge of them may be painful for someone I care about.

In my marriage this peacemaker tendency tends to cause more dissension than it does tranquility. In my quest to avoid conflict, I wait to share information with my husband that I perceive will bring about negative feelings. At times, my misguided plan is successful in diverting the situation I don’t want to face, but more often it begets a river of negativism from a mere trickle. I end up dealing with double the confrontation than if I had simply been open from the start.

As I contemplated sharing the surgeon’s report of the need to examine the irregular tissue removed during our daughter’s tonsillectomy, I began to make a list of all of the things my husband has been faced with in this past year alone. Already concerned with his physical and emotional health, I hesitated to heap more onto the pile of difficult issues which seem to be burying us lately. Undecided in how to break this potentially crushing news for him about our daughter, the joy of his heart, I kept it from him while we were not in the physical presence of each other. As my daughter and I were being escorted to the hospital parking lot after her discharge, I was confronted with the news that another driver had experienced a medical emergency, causing her vehicle to crash into the back of my parked car during my daughter’s surgery. Here was some more bad news - news that I had no choice but to call my husband to deal with, pushing the other conceivably difficult discussion even further from my desire to attend to.

In a not unusual array of circumstances, I found that I did not have an opportunity to speak to my husband alone until late in the evening. By that time I was struggling mightily inside myself, weighing the risks and the consequences of telling him that night, or waiting. I have come so far in learning to trust God for myself, and I‘ve even progressed significantly in trusting him for my kids, but trusting God to deal with my husband’s faith is an area that I fail in over and over again. Once more, as I prayed and struggled to find the right thing to do, I called upon my two wise friends to give me their opinions. Once more, they both encouraged me to trust God with my husband’s reaction rather than trying to control things myself. I texted to one of these friends, “I just want God to tell me it’s the right thing to do.” At the same time, I was having a conversation with my son, who had been hiding the details of a bike accident he’d had earlier that day. These words came out of my mouth to my son, “You don’t need to hide things from us just because you think we might be upset. Don’t you feel better now that you shared this with us? Isn’t it better to talk things out than to pretend they didn’t happen?” In that moment I heard God’s words coming out of my mouth, speaking to me as my Father, just I had been speaking to my son.

When I shared the surgeon’s news with my husband, he responded as I had anticipated. He did not tell me it was okay. He did not hug me or pray with me that things would work out. He put his head into his hands and grimly said, “I hate this day! Is there anything else that can possibly happen to make it worse? I have nowhere lower to go!” And then he was silent for a very long time. My heart hurt for his, wrenching with the pain of knowing everything in him wanted to keep his baby girl safe, yet knowing he was helpless to control this. All I could do was to put him in God’s hands along with my daughter, to allow the plans of the all knowing Lord of the universe to unfold in ways unforeseeable to me.

As hours went by, I silently went about soothing my hands with end-of-the-day-tasks. Around midnight, I allowed the soft cushions of the couch to embrace me, my body spent and needing to be still. As my spirit continued to wander over thoughts of my husband's heartache, at last he chose to come to me, to comfort me, and to be comforted. I felt the heaviness in his soul as he lay his head against me and I smoothed his hair in an unconscious attempt to soothe his worry away. The next day, as life continued on in the way that it always seems to do, I felt flutters of hope as I saw him face the day’s challenges with resolve, and anticipation washed over me as I heard him purpose to trust God with our daughter’s life. And when the news came the next day after that, saying our daughter was healthy and the pathology report was normal, I heard my husband thank God with unabated relief in his voice. I, myself, was filled with gratefulness that God showed me this exquisite miracle to gently help me let go of one more thing I can't control. I am hopeful that through the next thing and the next, that I will remember to let God in his infinite wisdom do what he knows to do, without me having to linger in uncertainty about the process. I am thankful for good friends who helped me see the right thing to do, because if I hadn't chosen to share this regenerative experience with my husband, I wouldn't have seen with my own eyes what my merciful and compassionate God can do for him. All glory to God forever, Amen!

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said,

'I am the light of the world.

If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness,

because you will have the light that leads to life."

John 8:12 NLT

“Then Job replied to the Lord: 
‘I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. 

You asked, Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance? 

It is I - and I was talking about things I know nothing about, 
things far too wonderful for me. 
You said, Listen and I will speak! 
I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. 

I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. 

I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

Job 42:1-6 NLT

“Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! 

How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! 

For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice? 

And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back? 

For everything comes from him 
and exists by his power 
and is intended for his glory. 

All glory to him forever! Amen.”

Romans 11:33-36 NLT

Walking In The Light ( Part 1 )

When you hear the word pathology, it makes you cringe. As a nurse who can think and rethink about every possible scenario connected with that word, the implications to my understanding are even more daunting. The word pathology itself comes from the Greek word "pathos" which literally means "suffering". So, when my daughter's ENT surgeon came to me post-op and gently informed me that her right tonsil was being sent to pathology because it had irregular anatomy, of course the word CANCER drowned out all other thoughts from my mind. I felt as though the wind were knocked out of me as I sat down. Even the vinyl hospital room chair let out a sigh. My breath was shallow as I texted the info to a few friends who could pray for us without being overwhelmed by thoughts of possibilities of the outcome. (As a chronic peace-keeper, I often have a hard time sharing news with someone if it will cause that person pain.) I, too, began to pray and to do what I have come to learn is the only response necessary in every situation - to listen for God's direction. I turned back to the chapters that had been in my YouVersion Bible reading plan for that day, and John 8:12 spoke into my heart;

"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, 

'I am the light of the world. 

If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, 

because you will have the light that leads to life."

The day before the tonsillectomy, I was anxious. While my mind trusted that my sweet girl was in God's care, my emotions were fighting with the recent experience of my husband's brain surgery. Emotional memories are haunting. They are deceptive and misleading, teasing as they beckon you to follow them down a path that goes nowhere near the reality of the immediate situation. This was not the first time that my past has tried to mess with my present. I knew that a good response was to acknowledge my escalating emotions to a couple of trusted friends, each whom wisely gave me direction to look to God for peace and to put away worry. I talked to God about my anxiety and fear as I looked back in my Bible where I had highlighted the words of Jesus earlier that day in John 7:24;

"Look beneath the surface so that you can judge correctly." 

I felt like God was confirming that this emotion was a response to past fears, to situations already conquered and moved beyond. I was soothed by gratefulness as I remembered all that God had carried our family through this year, and I was able to trust that God was still there with us in this situation as well.

So, as I sat in my daughter's hospital room waiting for her return from post-op, contemplating what the pathology results of her tissue study might reveal, peace came over me as I began to focus on the words of my Comforter; 

"If you follow me you won't have to walk in darkness,

 because you will have a light that leads to life." 

When the nurse wheeled my sleeping girl into the room, I gazed at her face and that sense of peace continued to flow over me.  It was not a sense of knowing that the report would come back with good news, but rather a sense that whatever the results, God was carrying her through this, and His plan for her could be nothing short of loving and perfect in His purpose for her life. It was a sense of knowing that walking in his light was the best life I could ever hope for her to live. In that moment, I once again released my anxiety and placed my treasured daughter in the arms of God.

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God's peace, 
which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

( to be continued in Part 2: http://ofwildernessandrockyplaces.blogspot.com/2014/08/walking-in-light-part-2.html...)

Do Not Be Afraid

In a song by Jason Gray that's called Fear is Easy, Love is Hard*, one of the lyric lines reads,

"It’s hard to bring your heart to a world that can break it
to offer love to those you’re afraid will forsake it,
but a well defended heart is always looking for a fight."

I think often about how the phrase "Fear not..." is repeated over and over and over again in the Bible. It truly is my natural tendency to allow fear to flood my soul, and in turn, I become defensive. When I am focused on fear, I begin to look into the eyes of other people or even into my own eyes, and in those human reflections I often see that my value wavers. It is scary to offer myself, my heart, my friendship, my time even, to someone who may not take care with me if I choose to be authentic and vulnerable. When I focus on my value in such a variable market, I often feel inadequate or unimportant or guarded over what may be taken from me.

When I focus on my value in such a variable market, I often feel inadequate or unimportant or guarded over what may be taken from me.

But, Jesus has shown me that the only value that matters is the one he places on my life, the one that says that I am invaluable, the one that is permanent and unchanging, and has been attached to me by the God who created me. I am beginning to understand that if I want to see the woman that Jesus sees when he looks at me, I need to gaze at him to find myself reflected in his eyes. It does not matter if I am blind to the perspective of "me" held by another person. It does not matter if I am dismissed by or even invisible to someone whom I wish would acknowledge my presence. It does not matter if someone looks directly at me with eyes of contempt. What does matter is what is seen by my Creator. This is the Person I need to have enough faith to place my trust in. This the Person who promised to love me unconditionally. This is the Person I can give my hope to. This is the Person who can give me triumph over fear.

I am beginning to understand that if I want to see the woman that Jesus sees when he looks at me, I need to gaze at him to find myself reflected in his eyes. 

I think that if I can choose to hope in God instead of in people or in circumstances, he will lead me to fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring. I know that if I put my hope in God, and if I try to overcome fear by having faith in his promises, these are truths that affect the condition of my heart. When I am able to hope in God, it gives me an inner peacefulness. Peter wrote about God's desire for whom he created me as a woman when he described the beauty that is found in holiness: 

"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, 

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 

1 Peter 4:3 NLT

Later in that same chapter, I perceive Peter's writings describe how God gives direction and encouragement to me to choose to open my heart towards people and circumstances which may bring pain. The words Peter wrote reveal to me that if I choose to trust God's leading in this area, there may be many times when I must give up my own desire, my own plan, my own comfort, and especially my own control. However, through submitting to God's authority, I am promised unshakable hope in the goodness of God, courage in the face of any future circumstances, and quiet tranquility of my soul. 

"So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, 

keep on doing what is right, 

and trust your lives to the God who created you, 

for he will never fail you." 

1 Peter 4:19 NLT

God will never fail me. God will never fail me. God will never fail me. 

There is a greatness that belongs only to God. That greatness is recognizable in the rising of the sun each day, the harvest of the fields each season... so much of creation is a metaphor of God's great authority which we should recognize in our hearts and in our lives. If I look away from myself, if I look away from fear, if instead I choose to look to God the Creator with honor and with trust and with a willingness to follow him... then I will experience the security and confidence he wants to bless me with, then he will reveal to me his presence and his goodness. By choosing to give up fear in the face of my loving Savior, I am choosing to bathe my heart in a light that no darkness has the power to overcome. Jason Gray's song ends with the following lyrics, and then fades out to the phrase, "Do not be afraid..."

"Fear will leave you hiding in the dark, 

but love will bring a light into your heart

So do not be afraid, do not be afraid

It comes down to a simple choice: 

shouting devils or a still small voice

One is spreading fear and dread, 

oh but love has always said,

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid

   

 Do not be afraid..."

That is the Voice I want to consistently choose to listen to - the Voice of Love, the Voice of Authority, the Voice of Light, the Voice of Mercy, the Voice of Grace, the Voice that belongs to the One and Only God of the Universe.

Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid...

* Fear is Easy, Love is Hard by Jason Gray from the album A Way to See In The Dark, 2011