Showing posts with label beauty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beauty. Show all posts

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Beauty in the Broken

A broken tree does not heal. It's true - a tree does not replace wounded or broken fibers with new wood. Instead, the tree permits the broken part to die and the tree moves on, growing around the wound. The tree allows its wound to simply scar over and exist, like a flaw that is present but no longer acknowledged as actively significant.1



"All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all.
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all"2



One year ago yesterday, my husband was undergoing brain surgery. I can look back in my heart and remember I was afraid. I can look back in my mind and remember I was hopeful. Most importantly, I can look at today and know that even though the road from that experience has been difficult, has been dark, has been depressing - I can look at today and know that today is the one that matters.

Once a tree is injured, the wound will eventually become encased in a "knot", and new growth will simply begin on the perimeter of the wound where the healthy tree tissue is situated. Wounded trees can be freely observed most anywhere here in Northern Wisconsin.1 The "knot" of the wound is just a part of the tree. A tree steadily continues growing around its wound and moves on from it over a period of time.




A tree steadily continues growing 
around its wound and moves on from it over a period of time.


I look at my husband today, and I can see the faint scar that has formed over the four inch surgical incision that was made on the day of his brain surgery a year ago. I know that underneath, the physical malformation is still present. I know that a highly skilled and trustworthy surgeon applied a patch to passively prevent the anatomical defect from causing further damage as life goes on.


The knot in the tree is not a healed wound. It is a flaw, an imperfection, a part of the tree which essentially is not active - a scar. Yet, if the tree was able to recover properly with good support, whether natural or facilitated by a human, the existence of the knot will not cause more harm to the tree.1 


Sometimes wounds occur accidentally to a tree, but there are also times when a tree is cut intentionally, or pruned. The pruning is done for the purpose of health or for artistry. According to the Washington State University Extension, pruning of fruit trees is important to establish a firm structure, and to provide light channels throughout the tree so that the tree's fruit can mature well. It is important that a knowledgeable arborist does the pruning because improper cuts are potentially life-ending to a tree, while the correct ones will ensure the best access to sunlight so that an optimum harvest of fruit will result.3


The pruning is done for a purpose.


I see my husband in my memory of that day a year ago, in the hospital neurosurgery ICU - struggling to sit up, struggling to keep the world from spinning, struggling to tolerate the piercing invasive pain that had been inflicted with his own permission. What I remember most clearly, though, is the hope. The hope that sparked through the struggle, as we recognized a return of different physical aspects back to normal that had been suppressed by the compression of his brainstem for quite some time prior to the surgery. The hope that life was about to grow upward once again.

An arborist knows when and how and where to make pruning cuts on limbs, so that the tree has the best potential to close them with its natural defenses, and so that growth can continue beyond the wound, in the direction which the arborist deems best. Sometimes, however, the ensuing direction is unexpected, perhaps because the wound being cared for is not the only wound present1, or sometimes perhaps because the arborist is actually a designer... a visionary who sees the bigger picture... a creator who sees beauty in unusual places.


"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"3



God is an arborist - a tree gardener, a planter, a grower, a caretaker. He sows and waters and feeds and prunes. He creates, protects, shapes, and transforms. He invites us to gaze at His majestic work with wonder and praise and quiet awe. His vocation is poetic and authoritative and precise. He creates beauty in paradox, nurturing our souls to grow by finding freedom through the very act of becoming captive to His desires, shaping our spirits to be uplifted higher than we could ever fathom simply by bowing down before Him, renewing our lives and our perspectives even as we allow our selfishness to die in recognition of the perfect authority of His plans.

I see in my mind my husband's view a year ago. A view colored by the beginnings of hope, colored by the perspective that life would be moving on in a sensible and predictable direction, colored by a limited understanding that failed to see that everything will be alright even when it's not all right. And suddenly, I know that what I am seeing in my memory of his outlook is actually a reflection of my own finite vision.




“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: 
I myself will take a shoot from the very top of a cedar and plant it; 
I will break off a tender sprig from its topmost shoots 
and plant it on a high and lofty mountain. 
On the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it; 
it will produce branches and bear fruit and become a splendid cedar. 
Birds of every kind will nest in it; 
they will find shelter in the shade of its branches. 
All the trees of the forest will know that 
I the Lord bring down the tall tree and make the low tree grow tall. 
I dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish. 
I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it.” 
(Ezekiel 17:22-24 NIV)



I don't know why God chooses to move our lives in directions that seem long and shadowy and wearying. I don't know why this is the place we have journeyed to in pursuit of His plan and His wisdom and His care. It is not a place I have ever envisioned or would have chosen on my own... but I do know that sovereign means God has supreme authority. I do know that His compassion and goodness are never-ending. I do know that nothing in the universe happens that is outside of His influence.




"All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos 
life is being found in You"3


I can look at today and know that this is the day that matters. Our knots may help shape us. Our knots may be a portion of who we have become. They may remind us of what we have been through and may have influence over where we are going. But our knots do not define us. What defines us is decided by the One who defines us... the One who created us... the One who tends to our wounds and covers them with a part of Himself... the One who sees the beauty and the value of our knots and who makes good grow out from all around them. The One who sees the individual tree and also sees its place in the greater forest.




"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"3




"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; 
I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever. 
For what you have done 
I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. 
And I will hope in your name, for your name is good."
(Psalm 52:8-9 NIV)


I am like a tree fluorishing...
I trust in His love...
His love never fails...
I praise Him for all He has done...
I hope in His name...
for His name is GOOD.




Stringer, Larry A., and Jim R. LaBerge. "We Know Trees." How Do Trees Heal?Golden Rule Tree Service, 2012. Web. 04 Sept. 2014.
2 Gary, Moulton, and King Jacky. "Pruning Tree Fruit – The Basics." Pruning Tree Fruit. WSU Mount Vernon Research & Extension Unit, n.d. Web. 04 Sept. 2014.
3 Gungor. Beautiful Things. Brash Music, 2010. MP3.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

Friday, July 18, 2014

Do Not Be Afraid

In a song by Jason Gray that's called Fear is Easy, Love is Hard*, one of the lyric lines reads,

"It’s hard to bring your heart to a world that can break it
to offer love to those you’re afraid will forsake it,
but a well defended heart is always looking for a fight."


I think often about how the phrase "Fear not..." is repeated over and over and over again in the Bible. It truly is my natural tendency to allow fear to flood my soul, and in turn, I become defensive. When I am focused on fear, I begin to look into the eyes of other people or even into my own eyes, and in those human reflections I often see that my value wavers. It is scary to offer myself, my heart, my friendship, my time even, to someone who may not take care with me if I choose to be authentic and vulnerable. When I focus on my value in such a variable market, I often feel inadequate or unimportant or guarded over what may be taken from me.

When I focus on my value in such a variable market, I often feel inadequate or unimportant or guarded over what may be taken from me.


But, Jesus has shown me that the only value that matters is the one he places on my lifethe one that says that I am invaluable, the one that is permanent and unchanging, and has been attached to me by the God who created me. I am beginning to understand that if I want to see the woman that Jesus sees when he looks at me, I need to gaze at him to find myself reflected in his eyes. It does not matter if I am blind to the perspective of "me" held by another person. It does not matter if I am dismissed by or even invisible to someone whom I wish would acknowledge my presence. It does not matter if someone looks directly at me with eyes of contempt. What does matter is what is seen by my Creator. This is the Person I need to have enough faith to place my trust in. This the Person who promised to love me unconditionally. This is the Person I can give my hope to. This is the Person who can give me triumph over fear.

I am beginning to understand that if I want to see the woman that Jesus sees when he looks at me, I need to gaze at him to find myself reflected in his eyes. 


I think that if I can choose to hope in God instead of in people or in circumstances, he will lead me to fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring. I know that if I put my hope in God, and if I try to overcome fear by having faith in his promises, these are truths that affect the condition of my heart. When I am able to hope in God, it gives me an inner peacefulness. Peter wrote about God's desire for whom he created me as a woman when he described the beauty that is found in holiness: 

"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, 
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 
1 Peter 4:3 NLT

Later in that same chapter, I perceive Peter's writings describe how God gives direction and encouragement to me to choose to open my heart towards people and circumstances which may bring pain. The words Peter wrote reveal to me that if I choose to trust God's leading in this area, there may be many times when I must give up my own desire, my own plan, my own comfort, and especially my own control. However, through submitting to God's authority, I am promised unshakable hope in the goodness of God, courage in the face of any future circumstances, and quiet tranquility of my soul

"So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, 
keep on doing what is right, 
and trust your lives to the God who created you, 
for he will never fail you." 
1 Peter 4:19 NLT

God will never fail me. God will never fail me. God will never fail me. 

There is a greatness that belongs only to God. That greatness is recognizable in the rising of the sun each day, the harvest of the fields each season... so much of creation is a metaphor of God's great authority which we should recognize in our hearts and in our lives. If I look away from myself, if I look away from fear, if instead I choose to look to God the Creator with honor and with trust and with a willingness to follow him... then I will experience the security and confidence he wants to bless me with, then he will reveal to me his presence and his goodness. By choosing to give up fear in the face of my loving Savior, I am choosing to bathe my heart in a light that no darkness has the power to overcome. Jason Gray's song ends with the following lyrics, and then fades out to the phrase, "Do not be afraid..."


"Fear will leave you hiding in the dark, 
but love will bring a light into your heart

So do not be afraid, do not be afraid

It comes down to a simple choice: 

shouting devils or a still small voice
One is spreading fear and dread, 
oh but love has always said,

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid
   
 Do not be afraid..."


That is the Voice I want to consistently choose to listen to - the Voice of Love, the Voice of Authority, the Voice of Light, the Voice of Mercy, the Voice of Grace, the Voice that belongs to the One and Only God of the Universe.

Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid...






* Fear is Easy, Love is Hard by Jason Gray from the album A Way to See In The Dark, 2011