Remain...

Written Dec 21, 2013 2:55am

"But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life." Psalm 42:8

On Monday, we quietly celebrated my husband's birthday, looked back on the past year's journey with exhaustion, and ahead to the next with circumspection. 

On Wednesday, we traveled back to the university hospital for a CT scan and a consult with the neurosurgeon. The doctor was extremely happy with the surgical outcome -  healing has been ideal, his brain stem is contained entirely above the patched foreman magnum, and the pressure of the cerebral spinal fluid in his brain is now normal. No longer does he experience daily migraines, which was the foremost hope in choosing to undergo brain surgery. He is continuing to recover from the surgery as far as stamina and strength, and in a few more months, he should be completely healed from the effects of the procedure.

Other issues remain, of course, as we continue to live with the diagnoses of my husband's additional long term heath conditions which are chronic with no cures. Activity induced migraines continue,and the neurologist has ordered a vascular study called an MRA (similar to an MRI). An ophthalmologist will be seen for some unresolved vision problems that did not improve with the brain surgery. Unrelated to the vision problems, another  diagnosis has been added involving the ocular area. The neurosurgeon has been watching this area for several months, and the CT scan just done shows it is probably not a condition that will progress. The doctor will continue to follow up by observing any changes that may occur, and another MRI will be done within the next year.

We are grateful for the success of the surgery, for the positive outlook, for the wonderful care of an amazingly talented and compassionate doctor and medical staff. God has blessed us with these gifts, and not one is taken for granted.

While I cannot speak for my husband, I know for myself, as his wife and his partner and his caretaker and his encourager and his confidante, this has been one of the most challenging years of my life. Because of it, I am beginning to understand exactly what trust means - trust is moving with God and relying on his view of my circumstances as being the clear view, even when my own may be distorted or limited. I can't say that I am the ideal student. Most definitely I continue to do my share of tear-filled, fist-clenching, lip-biting resisting. Certainly, I rely on the tough as well as the tender words of friends who encourage me to be strong or to be vulnerable and also help me to recognize which situations warrant which reaction. But, as I practice trust, I find that my faith grows stronger, too. 

George O. Wood said, “Faith is never dependent upon favorable circumstances.”  I believe he is right, for faith is believing and trusting and enduring and hoping... all of these things which are experiences that come about when life is not ideal, yet we are able to remain in God's presence, knowing he sees what is unseen to us and believing he is orchestrating a victorious outcome.

So, while I look at the next year with trepidation, it is tempered with trust, and because of that trust, I can move forward in faith. Psalms 139:9-10: says, "If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me". I cannot ask for a better assurance than that.

I have to often remind myself of God's promises - promises which will not be broken

-I am not alone, "For God has said,'I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.'” Hebrews 13:5b

-God sees and understands my pain."When Jesus saw her weeping... he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." Luke 11:33  

-God will listen when I pour my heart out to him. "The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help." Psalm 34:17a

-God will hold me up when the way seems difficult, and at times, impossible. "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God."  Isaiah 43:2-3a

-God knows intimately the concerns of my heart, and can provide all the peace, strength, and courage I need. "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."  Psalm 73:26

-I can take shelter in God's protective presence. and find peace for today, strength for tomorrow, and hope for the future. "God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."  Psalm 46:1 

-God promises me his peace. I am safe and secure in his hands. "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"  Isaiah 26:3 

May the presence of Christ be the peace within you this Christmas and always.