My Uncle The Shepherd

Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding. 
-Jeremiah 3:15 NIV

Last night, we celebrated the retirement of my uncle following his 33 years as pastor of a living and growing church that serves a city of 100,000 people. As I sat and listened to his congregation and his fellow leaders relate stories and significant moments which they had shared with him over time, I contemplated my own many experiences of visiting this church - recollections which revealed that my uncle's role of leadership in this church has been woven into my family heritage throughout the years of my life: Sunday morning services over summer vacation visits, lovely cousin weddings followed by precious pastel baby showers, milestone celebrations among tearful family funerals, seasonal celebrations of Christmas and Easter miracles, and numerous happenings and occasions in the in-between. My memories of this church are accented with feelings of contentment and nostalgia, a bit of wistfulness and much affection, and always always with a sense of love and comfort and family.

In considering my uncle himself, I know without a doubt that what he has taught from the pulpit and spoken to his parishioners is lived out in his life. I know that his staccato laugh and the half smile that is often playing on his lips are rooted in joy and notwithstanding sorrow. I know that the affectionate arm he puts around me whenever he sees me encompasses me in love without reservation. I know that the candor that spills from his heart and into his words can make me laugh or make me think or even make me roll my eyes at 43 just like I did when I was 13 years old. But, most importantly, I know that the invaluable truth which he confidently speaks gives me hope for what lies ahead, no matter what the circumstances look like today. I am blessed by the verity and faith of my uncle. I respect his shepherd's spirit which lovingly and steadfastly ministers to those whom God has entrusted him with. I value his fisherman's heart which has caught so many lives by holding out the love of Christ with patient anticipation and consistent grace. Most of all, I am grateful for the simple yet profound legacy he has created by the genuine life he lives which is a beloved gift to all who know him: Love God and love people, be faithful in hope, for the best is yet to come. 

 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them...

(1 Peter 5:2a NIV)

Jesus said to them, “Come with me. I’ll make a new kind of fisherman out of you. I’ll show you how to catch men and women instead of perch and bass.” They didn’t ask questions, but simply dropped their nets and followed.

(Matthew 4:19-20 MSG) 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

 (Deuteronomy 6:5-7 NIV)

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease. 

Great is his faithfulness; 

his mercies begin afresh each morning. 

I say to myself, 

“The Lord is my inheritance; 

therefore, I will hope in him!”

(Lamentations 3:21-24 NLT)

Walking In The Light ( Part 2 )

!ATTENTION!

PLEASE READ PART 1 OF THIS POST FIRST, IF YOU HAVE NOT DONE SO, THANKS! http://ofwildernessandrockyplaces.blogspot.com/2014/08/walking-in-light-part-1.html

“Then Job replied to the Lord, 

‘I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. 

You asked, Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance? 

It is I - and I was talking about things I knew nothing about…'”

Job 42:1-3

When my daughter’s ENT surgeon brought me the foreboding news that one of her tonsils had “irregular anatomy” and was being sent to pathology for further examination, I was able to move quickly from a sense of fear to a sense of peace. But I could only reconcile that peace to my own thoughts and my own determination. I had yet to share the news with my husband, and everything within my fallible human heart resisted against doing so.

To cause another person emotional pain is against my most basic nature. When I was younger, I was the girl whom often befriended the kid nobody else really liked. I was the girl who would rather be grounded for two weeks by my angry mom than to hear my dad say he was disappointed in me. I was the girl who would listen to a boy bore me to tears rather than get up and walk away from him and hurt his feelings. Now, as an adult, I tend to keep things to myself if I believe knowledge of them may be painful for someone I care about.

In my marriage this peacemaker tendency tends to cause more dissension than it does tranquility. In my quest to avoid conflict, I wait to share information with my husband that I perceive will bring about negative feelings. At times, my misguided plan is successful in diverting the situation I don’t want to face, but more often it begets a river of negativism from a mere trickle. I end up dealing with double the confrontation than if I had simply been open from the start.

As I contemplated sharing the surgeon’s report of the need to examine the irregular tissue removed during our daughter’s tonsillectomy, I began to make a list of all of the things my husband has been faced with in this past year alone. Already concerned with his physical and emotional health, I hesitated to heap more onto the pile of difficult issues which seem to be burying us lately. Undecided in how to break this potentially crushing news for him about our daughter, the joy of his heart, I kept it from him while we were not in the physical presence of each other. As my daughter and I were being escorted to the hospital parking lot after her discharge, I was confronted with the news that another driver had experienced a medical emergency, causing her vehicle to crash into the back of my parked car during my daughter’s surgery. Here was some more bad news - news that I had no choice but to call my husband to deal with, pushing the other conceivably difficult discussion even further from my desire to attend to.

In a not unusual array of circumstances, I found that I did not have an opportunity to speak to my husband alone until late in the evening. By that time I was struggling mightily inside myself, weighing the risks and the consequences of telling him that night, or waiting. I have come so far in learning to trust God for myself, and I‘ve even progressed significantly in trusting him for my kids, but trusting God to deal with my husband’s faith is an area that I fail in over and over again. Once more, as I prayed and struggled to find the right thing to do, I called upon my two wise friends to give me their opinions. Once more, they both encouraged me to trust God with my husband’s reaction rather than trying to control things myself. I texted to one of these friends, “I just want God to tell me it’s the right thing to do.” At the same time, I was having a conversation with my son, who had been hiding the details of a bike accident he’d had earlier that day. These words came out of my mouth to my son, “You don’t need to hide things from us just because you think we might be upset. Don’t you feel better now that you shared this with us? Isn’t it better to talk things out than to pretend they didn’t happen?” In that moment I heard God’s words coming out of my mouth, speaking to me as my Father, just I had been speaking to my son.

When I shared the surgeon’s news with my husband, he responded as I had anticipated. He did not tell me it was okay. He did not hug me or pray with me that things would work out. He put his head into his hands and grimly said, “I hate this day! Is there anything else that can possibly happen to make it worse? I have nowhere lower to go!” And then he was silent for a very long time. My heart hurt for his, wrenching with the pain of knowing everything in him wanted to keep his baby girl safe, yet knowing he was helpless to control this. All I could do was to put him in God’s hands along with my daughter, to allow the plans of the all knowing Lord of the universe to unfold in ways unforeseeable to me.

As hours went by, I silently went about soothing my hands with end-of-the-day-tasks. Around midnight, I allowed the soft cushions of the couch to embrace me, my body spent and needing to be still. As my spirit continued to wander over thoughts of my husband's heartache, at last he chose to come to me, to comfort me, and to be comforted. I felt the heaviness in his soul as he lay his head against me and I smoothed his hair in an unconscious attempt to soothe his worry away. The next day, as life continued on in the way that it always seems to do, I felt flutters of hope as I saw him face the day’s challenges with resolve, and anticipation washed over me as I heard him purpose to trust God with our daughter’s life. And when the news came the next day after that, saying our daughter was healthy and the pathology report was normal, I heard my husband thank God with unabated relief in his voice. I, myself, was filled with gratefulness that God showed me this exquisite miracle to gently help me let go of one more thing I can't control. I am hopeful that through the next thing and the next, that I will remember to let God in his infinite wisdom do what he knows to do, without me having to linger in uncertainty about the process. I am thankful for good friends who helped me see the right thing to do, because if I hadn't chosen to share this regenerative experience with my husband, I wouldn't have seen with my own eyes what my merciful and compassionate God can do for him. All glory to God forever, Amen!

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said,

'I am the light of the world.

If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness,

because you will have the light that leads to life."

John 8:12 NLT

“Then Job replied to the Lord: 
‘I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. 

You asked, Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance? 

It is I - and I was talking about things I know nothing about, 
things far too wonderful for me. 
You said, Listen and I will speak! 
I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. 

I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. 

I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

Job 42:1-6 NLT

“Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! 

How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! 

For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice? 

And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back? 

For everything comes from him 
and exists by his power 
and is intended for his glory. 

All glory to him forever! Amen.”

Romans 11:33-36 NLT

Walking In The Light ( Part 1 )

When you hear the word pathology, it makes you cringe. As a nurse who can think and rethink about every possible scenario connected with that word, the implications to my understanding are even more daunting. The word pathology itself comes from the Greek word "pathos" which literally means "suffering". So, when my daughter's ENT surgeon came to me post-op and gently informed me that her right tonsil was being sent to pathology because it had irregular anatomy, of course the word CANCER drowned out all other thoughts from my mind. I felt as though the wind were knocked out of me as I sat down. Even the vinyl hospital room chair let out a sigh. My breath was shallow as I texted the info to a few friends who could pray for us without being overwhelmed by thoughts of possibilities of the outcome. (As a chronic peace-keeper, I often have a hard time sharing news with someone if it will cause that person pain.) I, too, began to pray and to do what I have come to learn is the only response necessary in every situation - to listen for God's direction. I turned back to the chapters that had been in my YouVersion Bible reading plan for that day, and John 8:12 spoke into my heart;

"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, 

'I am the light of the world. 

If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, 

because you will have the light that leads to life."

The day before the tonsillectomy, I was anxious. While my mind trusted that my sweet girl was in God's care, my emotions were fighting with the recent experience of my husband's brain surgery. Emotional memories are haunting. They are deceptive and misleading, teasing as they beckon you to follow them down a path that goes nowhere near the reality of the immediate situation. This was not the first time that my past has tried to mess with my present. I knew that a good response was to acknowledge my escalating emotions to a couple of trusted friends, each whom wisely gave me direction to look to God for peace and to put away worry. I talked to God about my anxiety and fear as I looked back in my Bible where I had highlighted the words of Jesus earlier that day in John 7:24;

"Look beneath the surface so that you can judge correctly." 

I felt like God was confirming that this emotion was a response to past fears, to situations already conquered and moved beyond. I was soothed by gratefulness as I remembered all that God had carried our family through this year, and I was able to trust that God was still there with us in this situation as well.

So, as I sat in my daughter's hospital room waiting for her return from post-op, contemplating what the pathology results of her tissue study might reveal, peace came over me as I began to focus on the words of my Comforter; 

"If you follow me you won't have to walk in darkness,

 because you will have a light that leads to life." 

When the nurse wheeled my sleeping girl into the room, I gazed at her face and that sense of peace continued to flow over me.  It was not a sense of knowing that the report would come back with good news, but rather a sense that whatever the results, God was carrying her through this, and His plan for her could be nothing short of loving and perfect in His purpose for her life. It was a sense of knowing that walking in his light was the best life I could ever hope for her to live. In that moment, I once again released my anxiety and placed my treasured daughter in the arms of God.

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God's peace, 
which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

( to be continued in Part 2: http://ofwildernessandrockyplaces.blogspot.com/2014/08/walking-in-light-part-2.html...)