My Soul Thirsts

In the 1930s, in the middle of the desert, a man made an amazing discovery: among all of the plants growing on his land, one tree seemed to be growing bigger and stronger than the rest. As he explored this curiosity, he discovered the reason. Very near to the tree, a water pipe had sprung a leak. The water was nourishing the soil around it and so also the tree, drop by drop.

The man, an engineer, began experimenting with the knowledge he had discovered. His research ultimately led him to the invention of the drip irrigation system, a method eventually used worldwide, even today.

The concept of the method is quite simple. Instead of soaking all of the land regardless of whether the area is dry or not, the drip irrigation system provides water to the growing landscape drop by drop, only where it’s needed.

A leaky hose was the answer to a flourishing life.

Six months have passed since the day of my husband's surgery. Six months was the marker - (the marker that I had set, after reading the research and history behind this surgery) as to when things would be "better". Somehow, I had thought, if we could just make it through to six months, we will have arrived. So, here we are... arrived. The only problem is, I look around and I realize, this is not the destination I had in mind.

While the brain surgery corrected one acute problem, the occurrence of the surgery disrupted the treatment of all of the other long term health issues. Even though our lives have been in a waiting period during this time of healing, the world around us spins on and on. Even while we already feel crushed and broken, an imperfect society makes decisions and changes which heap a heavier burden upon us. We have made it through most of a long winter, but right now, it is hard to anticipate spring. Hope has become like a mirage - I think that I see it, but when I reach out to grab it, I am left with nothingness in my hands. I have realized that while I had drank for a time from the floods of encouragement and support that had been soaking my faith, the overabundance was not a gift that could be saved and meted out as it would be needed in drier, less abundant times. Like a tree in the desert, my need is to be fed drop by drop, each drop directed to the part of my faith that is parched in that moment. This journey is long and arduous. I am tempted to give up, to sit down and shrivel up like an unwatered plant in the desert sun. I am distraught that I may never bear fruit again. My gaze has dropped to the path under my feet, wondering if I can manage another step.

This morning, as I wearily went to my YouVersion Bible app on which I receive my Life Journal Reading Plan for each day, the "Verse of the Day" was from Psalms 143. David wrote this Psalm when he was in the depths of despair, drowning in depression, fighting against hopelessness. He, too, was tempted to feel like giving up, but he knew where to go with that burden. He began to look at the past, to remember the faithfulness of God through every hard time he has faced, to fill his thoughts with God's promises and His love. He lay his burden before God, saying, "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land" (Psalms 143:6 NLT). David went on in the rest of the Psalm to ask for nourishment, drop by drop - for words of love each morning, for direction in decision making, for shelter in times of distress, for wisdom in discerning God's will, for steadiness in handling emotions.

When God answers my faint cries with his words, I know that He sees the dying parts of me and directs Himself to bring life to those parched places within me. 
He knows that a flood is not sustaining, but that a "leaky hose" is exactly the mercy that I
need to survive in the desert of my circumstances.

Psalm 143
King James Version (KJV)

143 Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.

2 And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.

3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.

4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.

5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.

6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. 

7 Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.

8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.

9 Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.

10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.

11 Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.

12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.