Some days I feel too much, other days I feel nothing at all. My perspective has been dark lately, and peace likewise elusive. I read an article that explained, "the give-and-take between seeing the exquisite wonder of the world beside its bleakness, is a struggle." I think that's true. I know that a huge part of my struggle with depression is not being able to stay in balance - not being able to find the place where I feel just the right amount. People say to think positively, but I find it impossible to choose to only focus on the wonders of the world, when I know the bleakness of the world exists even if I consciously look away. And as difficult as it is to allow my heart to see that bleakness, I know that it's only when both of these perspectives are woven together, that my true destiny can be accomplished. Because I want to fulfill the purpose I was created for, I mindfully hope in the goodness that will one day arise from the bleak things in life. I focus my faith on the knowledge that resiliency is possible when wonder bravely stands alongside of that struggle for hope. And I remind myself that love does not give up in the midst of suffering. Even though I often find myself behind the bleak veil of depression, I intentionally seek to find a glimpse of wonder each day. On my darkest days I compel myself to look outward and fix my gaze on one miracle. One image I've focused on lately, is the marvel of a magnificent river. God's handiwork displayed in a river has captivated my attention over and over for the last few years. On this day, as I contemplated that image, my thoughts once again melded into words that flowed from my hand to a page - words that became, this time, a poem...
GLIMPSING WONDER
I walk upon a winding trail,
I dream upon a river's flow,
divided by an unseen wale,
'tween what I feel and what I know.
Weary of the dusty road,
rough with unexpected stones,
weary of this cumbrous load,
weighing on my mind and bones.
The river tangent to the trees,
soothing with its dulcet roll,
sings a song upon the breeze,
beckoning my restless soul.
Weary of this pitted ground,
eroded from assailing trial,
weary of the onerous sound,
of groaning with each wending mile.
The river cantillates refrains,
of resonating rhapsody,
enchants, allures, and sustains,
my dream from whole fugacity.
Weary of this wretched woe,
of never ending vicissitude,
weary of the ache and throe,
of continual solicitude.
The river captivates each sigh,
weaves symphonic undersong,
assays each sorrow drawing nigh,
sings its theory never wrong.
Weariness becomes lament,
weeping melancholy's tears,
the river bank is pain's decent,
where suffering emerges clear.
I walk upon a winding trail,
I dream a gentle river slope,
mingling thoughts in staid grisaille,
with light to find prismatic hope.
- Lora Stonelake 3/2017
"This give-and-take between seeing the exquisite wonder of the world beside it's bleakness is a struggle."
- Lori Chandler
"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."
- Henry David Thoreau
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
- Max Planck
"The nearer the dawn, the darker the night."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Dreams... They lift us from the commonplace of life to better things."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better."
- Ephesians 4:23
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”
- Isaiah 26:3
“My soul yearns for you in the night, and in the morning my spirit searches and looks out for you”
- Isaiah 26:9
“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”
- Psalm 18:28
“Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!'”
- Lamentations 3:21-24
“Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.”
- Hosea 6:3
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance... Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:7, 12-13
"God chose a very unique word to describe His peace--a river! A river is not calm and void of activity. It is active and cleansing and confident of the direction it is headed in. A river doesn't get caught up with rocks in its path. it flows over and around them, all the while smoothing their jagged edges and allowing them to add to its beauty rather than take away from it. A river is a wonderful thing to behold... To have peace like a river is to have security and tranquility while meeting the many bumps and unexpected turns on life's journey."
- Lysa TerKeurst
"I will have peace flowing like a river."
- Isaiah 48:18
"A river brings joy to the city of our God, the sacred home of the Most High. God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it."
- Psalms 46:4-5
