Sunday, September 28, 2014

Restored

I personally, am a person who struggles with regret. At times, I have wished for second chances to make the perfect decisions. I am aware that my desire for revision comes from the pain and adversity I have faced as consequences to my failures. In living through circumstances which have, at times, come about directly or indirectly because of my foundering, I have slowly learned that recovery from misjudgement is possible. I have even discovered that recovery can be a sure thing, that restoration is promised to be complete when I go to the proper source of healing - to my powerful and compassionate God.

My desire for revision comes from the pain and adversity I have faced as consequences to my failures.

Sometimes, the most difficult part of turning to God and exposing my pain, is exposing the cause of my pain. The thought of making myself vulnerable, admitting my weaknesses - this unmasking, uncovering, unveiling - it is often terrifying... it is at times humiliating, harrowing, uncomfortable... and always, always it is hard! But, I have learned that this exposure is really the only way God is able to cover my aching failure with the salve of his graciousness. It is the only way God can fill my open wounds to overflowing with his goodness. It is the only way he can smooth my jagged scars with the warmth of his lovingkindness. 

In my convalescence, my submission to God's ministration is vital in allowing me to gain strength and restoration from his mercifulness. Each time I am broken, as I begin to recover, I know that I must also take time to listen to his plan for my continual and progressing wellness. Often, I am familiar with the therapies he recommends: to focus on loving those around me, to live in such a way that I am surrounded in peace... and more recently, my attention is brought intently to the life-giving habits of faithfulness and of integrity. 

The values of faithfulness and integrity are often dissociated with love and with peace in the society that we live in. However, if I listen carefully to what God is telling me, it becomes clear that character does not consist of parallel values from which I can pick and choose. Each attribute intersects with the next and the next. 

God has shown me that love cannot endure separately from faithfulness. I find again and again that it is impossible to truly love another person and then disregard or abandon them, even in the most difficult times. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says,"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." When I move away from faithfulness, I move away from love. When I move away from love, I move towards pain and adversity, and so begins again the cycle of regret.

It is impossible to truly love another person 
and then disregard or abandon them, 
even in the most difficult times.

Analogous to the converging principles of love and constancy, are peace and veracity. True peace can never sustain without inward integrity. My peace is not authentic if I defy God's purposes in obtaining it. Isaiah 32:17 in the NIrV Bible states it simply; "Doing what is right will bring peace and rest.When my people do that, they will stay calm and trust in the Lord forever."

"Doing what is right will bring peace and rest."

God can do something better than changing my circumstances - God can change me instead. When I allow myself to be altered, to be transformed, to be renewed, stirred, molded - then I am restored… restored - brought back to the person whom God had in mind when he conceived of me, to the person he created me to be in this time and in this place and in these circumstances... restored to his intendment who finds rest in his goodness, who thrives in his protection, who gains strength from his foundation… restored and made whole. When I am restored, then I can persevere and experience true love in faithfulness, true peace in integrity, true freedom from regret as I live and prosper and increase and shine and abound… abound - be filled to overflowing, be made rich beyond comprehension, be well supplied with a neverending resource… I will abound with the grace of God!

I will abound with the grace of God!


Unfailing love and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed!
Truth springs up from the earth, and righteousness smiles down from heaven.
Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings. Our land will yield its bountiful harvest.
Psalm 85:10-12


Then God stirred the hearts of the priests and the leaders of the tribes
to go to rebuild the Temple of the Lord.
Ezra 1:5


And blessed are those who wait and remain until the end…
As for you, go your way until the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days,
you will rise again to receive the inheritance set aside for you.
Daniel 12:12-13


“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God.
Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger…
Daniel 10:19


Put on your new nature, and be renewed 
as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
Colossians 3:10

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Beauty in the Broken

A broken tree does not heal. It's true - a tree does not replace wounded or broken fibers with new wood. Instead, the tree permits the broken part to die and the tree moves on, growing around the wound. The tree allows its wound to simply scar over and exist, like a flaw that is present but no longer acknowledged as actively significant.1



"All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all.
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all"2



One year ago yesterday, my husband was undergoing brain surgery. I can look back in my heart and remember I was afraid. I can look back in my mind and remember I was hopeful. Most importantly, I can look at today and know that even though the road from that experience has been difficult, has been dark, has been depressing - I can look at today and know that today is the one that matters.

Once a tree is injured, the wound will eventually become encased in a "knot", and new growth will simply begin on the perimeter of the wound where the healthy tree tissue is situated. Wounded trees can be freely observed most anywhere here in Northern Wisconsin.1 The "knot" of the wound is just a part of the tree. A tree steadily continues growing around its wound and moves on from it over a period of time.




A tree steadily continues growing 
around its wound and moves on from it over a period of time.


I look at my husband today, and I can see the faint scar that has formed over the four inch surgical incision that was made on the day of his brain surgery a year ago. I know that underneath, the physical malformation is still present. I know that a highly skilled and trustworthy surgeon applied a patch to passively prevent the anatomical defect from causing further damage as life goes on.


The knot in the tree is not a healed wound. It is a flaw, an imperfection, a part of the tree which essentially is not active - a scar. Yet, if the tree was able to recover properly with good support, whether natural or facilitated by a human, the existence of the knot will not cause more harm to the tree.1 


Sometimes wounds occur accidentally to a tree, but there are also times when a tree is cut intentionally, or pruned. The pruning is done for the purpose of health or for artistry. According to the Washington State University Extension, pruning of fruit trees is important to establish a firm structure, and to provide light channels throughout the tree so that the tree's fruit can mature well. It is important that a knowledgeable arborist does the pruning because improper cuts are potentially life-ending to a tree, while the correct ones will ensure the best access to sunlight so that an optimum harvest of fruit will result.3


The pruning is done for a purpose.


I see my husband in my memory of that day a year ago, in the hospital neurosurgery ICU - struggling to sit up, struggling to keep the world from spinning, struggling to tolerate the piercing invasive pain that had been inflicted with his own permission. What I remember most clearly, though, is the hope. The hope that sparked through the struggle, as we recognized a return of different physical aspects back to normal that had been suppressed by the compression of his brainstem for quite some time prior to the surgery. The hope that life was about to grow upward once again.

An arborist knows when and how and where to make pruning cuts on limbs, so that the tree has the best potential to close them with its natural defenses, and so that growth can continue beyond the wound, in the direction which the arborist deems best. Sometimes, however, the ensuing direction is unexpected, perhaps because the wound being cared for is not the only wound present1, or sometimes perhaps because the arborist is actually a designer... a visionary who sees the bigger picture... a creator who sees beauty in unusual places.


"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"3



God is an arborist - a tree gardener, a planter, a grower, a caretaker. He sows and waters and feeds and prunes. He creates, protects, shapes, and transforms. He invites us to gaze at His majestic work with wonder and praise and quiet awe. His vocation is poetic and authoritative and precise. He creates beauty in paradox, nurturing our souls to grow by finding freedom through the very act of becoming captive to His desires, shaping our spirits to be uplifted higher than we could ever fathom simply by bowing down before Him, renewing our lives and our perspectives even as we allow our selfishness to die in recognition of the perfect authority of His plans.

I see in my mind my husband's view a year ago. A view colored by the beginnings of hope, colored by the perspective that life would be moving on in a sensible and predictable direction, colored by a limited understanding that failed to see that everything will be alright even when it's not all right. And suddenly, I know that what I am seeing in my memory of his outlook is actually a reflection of my own finite vision.




“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: 
I myself will take a shoot from the very top of a cedar and plant it; 
I will break off a tender sprig from its topmost shoots 
and plant it on a high and lofty mountain. 
On the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it; 
it will produce branches and bear fruit and become a splendid cedar. 
Birds of every kind will nest in it; 
they will find shelter in the shade of its branches. 
All the trees of the forest will know that 
I the Lord bring down the tall tree and make the low tree grow tall. 
I dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish. 
I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it.” 
(Ezekiel 17:22-24 NIV)



I don't know why God chooses to move our lives in directions that seem long and shadowy and wearying. I don't know why this is the place we have journeyed to in pursuit of His plan and His wisdom and His care. It is not a place I have ever envisioned or would have chosen on my own... but I do know that sovereign means God has supreme authority. I do know that His compassion and goodness are never-ending. I do know that nothing in the universe happens that is outside of His influence.




"All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos 
life is being found in You"3


I can look at today and know that this is the day that matters. Our knots may help shape us. Our knots may be a portion of who we have become. They may remind us of what we have been through and may have influence over where we are going. But our knots do not define us. What defines us is decided by the One who defines us... the One who created us... the One who tends to our wounds and covers them with a part of Himself... the One who sees the beauty and the value of our knots and who makes good grow out from all around them. The One who sees the individual tree and also sees its place in the greater forest.




"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"3




"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; 
I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever. 
For what you have done 
I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. 
And I will hope in your name, for your name is good."
(Psalm 52:8-9 NIV)


I am like a tree fluorishing...
I trust in His love...
His love never fails...
I praise Him for all He has done...
I hope in His name...
for His name is GOOD.




Stringer, Larry A., and Jim R. LaBerge. "We Know Trees." How Do Trees Heal?Golden Rule Tree Service, 2012. Web. 04 Sept. 2014.
2 Gary, Moulton, and King Jacky. "Pruning Tree Fruit – The Basics." Pruning Tree Fruit. WSU Mount Vernon Research & Extension Unit, n.d. Web. 04 Sept. 2014.
3 Gungor. Beautiful Things. Brash Music, 2010. MP3.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY