Peace Like a River

Written Sep 3, 2013 4:32am

This morning at 7:30 am, my husband will be having brain surgery. Right now, he is sleeping peacefully in our hotel bed, lulled to sleep by the fan of the a/c and the mumbling of CNN reporters turned down low on the TV. 

I, however, am sitting on the room's sofa, finally still after a day that seemed anything but peaceful. 

As I had tried earlier that day to finish all of the tasks of packing, of preparing the kids for the first day of school, of making a long list for Grandma (with schedules, responsibilities, and structured routines that help this family of eight to function smoothly) - I was feeling vulnerable, weepy, overwhelmed, turbulent, exposed... anything but peaceful! I was busy listing my worries for God, just in case He was not aware of how His plans were disrupting mine: 

Why was the surgery scheduled for the first day of school? 

How was my daughter going to handle being in school for a full day? 

What if my son is overwhelmed by high school, and the people he encounters don't know that he has autism? What if he cries all day or gets lost? 

What if my son with Down syndrome won't eat or has a toileting accident? 

What if one of our other three boys has a football injury while we are gone? 

How is my mom, as amazing as she is, going to fill in for two very involved parents when there is only one of her? 

What if my husband's surgery doesn't go well? 

What if the hospital releases him before he is able to tolerate the drive home? 

On and on it went - Why? How? What?

Being in that mindset reminded me that as much as I want to be, I am not the one in control. Almost every aspect of my life reminds me of how desperately I need God to manage all of the details, because the the sheer totality of them is beyond what I can manage on my own.

I locked myself in the bedroom to pack undisturbed, and the tears began to flow. 

I told God, "I don't think I can do this!" I am pretty sure God was relieved that I finally held the burden out to Him as He thought,"Absolutely you cannot! But I can!!!" 

I had read a few weeks earlier that "Peace is submission to a Trustworthy Authority, not resignation from activity" 

As I began to surrender all of my feelings, a text came through from a friend with a song whose lyrics include, "There's a light in the darkness shining, there's a peace for the restless soul... Jesus." 

I texted back and revealed my struggle at that moment, and my friend responded with encouragement not to worry (Luke 12:22-32)

and with suggestions that I address my feelings of anxiety and stress with the truth:

I could handle everything with God's strength (Philippians 4:23),

God's assurances of love and protection can still my fear and lead me to trust Him. (Psalm 27:1),

and I could recognize that God has revealed Himself as Healer. (Exodus 15:26b). 

The night before, this same friend had come over and prayed for my husband in our living room, asking God that a river of peace flow over him.

Our friend did not know that my husband had been singing the phrases, "peace like a river attendeths my soul" and "I've got peace like a river in my soul" to himself whenever anxiety began to approach him. 

Our friend did not know that I had been reading a book that talked about the meaning of that phrase - peace like a river: "God chose a very unique word to describe His peace--a river! A river is not calm and void of activity. It is active and cleansing and confident of the direction it is headed in. A river doesn't get caught up with rocks in its path. it flows over and around them, all the while smoothing their jagged edges and allowing them to add to its beauty rather than take away from it. A river is a wonderful thing to behold."

Another quote explained, "To have peace like a river is to have security and tranquility while meeting the many bumps and unexpected turns on life's journey." 

So, as I am getting ready in less than an hour to accompany my husband to the hospital  where the staff will begin preparing him for brain surgery, I am focused on having peace like a river.

God's truth tells me that if I listen to Him and not to my own desperate thoughts, 

I will have peace flowing like a river (Isaiah 48:18). 

I have confidence that God has all of it under His care, faith that every detail of my family's day today will go according to His plan, and trust that His plan is always the best one even when I cannot see around the river's bend.